River
by Jigglypuffer
Summary: Usagi wants to end the pain . . . and her life. I might edit this later. It might be be OOC, but please still read and review for me!


Disclaimer- I do not own Bishoujo Senshi SailorMoon/Sailor Moon or any of its persons, places, things, plots, or ideas. Naoko Takeuchi, a bunch of people and corporations in Japan, and a bunch of people and corporations in America own it. I, in no way, shape or form, say I own it. Please don't sue me.  
  
I look over the cold, icy water as I contemplate what I'm about to do. My hair, in all its golden glory, wraps unnoticed about my face. My crystal blue eyes are dim as I follow in my heart the path I've traveled to this day. I had wanted to be a princess, a heroine, a beautiful vision that my true love would search out and whisk away in triumph. But I didn't know my dreams would come true . . . at the price of my friends' happiness. I'm not a drama queen; I don't find pleasant recreation in acting a fool. But had I known the pain I would cause, I would never have pulled that band-aid and heard Luna speak. To speak on Luna. My guardian, my sensei, my friend. How I've bound you. To spend eternity following me to the ends of the earth, because of my mother's wish to have me safe. And you deserve better. To have a life of peace, and freedom. No one should waste away to protect me. I remember the last thing you said before I walked to the bridge, overlooking the freezing river.  
"Usagi-chan? Where are you going? We have a meeting in an hour." I nodded, and told you I'd be there. How my heart ached to know I'd lied. And there it was once more. You are helping me, guiding me. Never left to happiness of your own. As these thoughts raced through my head, I trudged down the street. The winter wind blew my parka hood from its perch on my odango, and I left it there. Better I suffer for what I was to do. But in my heart, I knew it was the end I was hoping for. Soon, you would all have peace. I came to the bridge, shivering. But not only from the frigid air about me. I looked over the edge, and nearly lost my nerve. But then I heard Rei down the street. She was calling to me. Calling once more. Like so many times.  
"Usagi! Aren't you coming? The meeting is at my place, remember?" I remembered. It's been that way for as long as we've been senshi. As long as you've had your curse. The curse of loving me. I nodded to you, much as I did to Luna, and replied in the same. I would be there. I just wanted to watch the water for a minute. You smiled, said ok, and huffed away, a short wave behind. My weak wave followed, my hand falling to my side when you were out of sight. I would be there in spirit, if not in body. I turned again to the water. Its crystalline depths looked for the entire world like my crystal. The source of all the pain. Rei's pain and Luna's. All of my friends' agony and strife. Yes, they love me as well. But the Ginzuishou, the great rock, is my true duty, their true loyalty. I am the keeper of the brightest star. They say. But how can I be the most pure and mighty when all my senshi kill themselves time and time again for me? I always need there help. Uranus and Neptune were right. I am not the true heir to the moon throne. For if I was, I would hold the strength and power my mother did before me. But I must always, always call on my senshi to do my job! And let me not forget Mamo-chan. Ah, Mamo-chan. The prince I dreamt of. The man to claim my heart. And the one to tear my soul to shreds. Yes, he loves me. Yes, I love him. But his whole life until he is finally granted the greatest release is predestined. And predestined to rotate solely around me. I am NOT worth it! Mamo-chan should have a choice in who he befriends, in what he does . . . in who he loves. And yet fate has decreed he must forever cling to a whimpering rabbit, forever scampering into her hole. This was my train of thought as I climbed on the rail, knuckles white. I quickly scanned the street. No one in either way. This was what I wanted. No one to witness my last act of cowardice. But I lingered still. Fear gripped my heart. I suddenly knew (as obvious as it was), if I did this, ChibiUsa would not be born.  
"Usagi-chan! You said you'd make me pancakes!" Yes, she can be annoying. And she is a brat. But she is my child, my second spirit. She is my heir, and my light. And who am I to deprive another of life because of my own miserable soul? I watched the wind make tiny waves in the glistening deep. ChibiUsa shouldn't die for me. No one should. And yet they all had. All of my Inners, all of my Outers. My advisors. My love and my child. Innocent people, who's only crime was living in a world with Tsukino Usagi. And my mother! Her one goal was to set me free. And it cost her existence. How could I live? But how could I die, and take from my child her very life?  
"If I must give up my life for my people and my child, I will do as I see it to be. No one should die for me." My mother's words before the great battle thousands of years ago rang in my ears. And they rang true. No one should die for me. No one, let alone one I adore. Anyone. No one. And so I stand now. My hands still grip the railing, my hair still flies in the breeze. My eyes are wet, and my soul is tired. But if I die, will I only prolong the grief my friends and family feel? Do they love me that much, that my death would destroy them? Only fate can tell.  
  
Notes- 1. This story takes place . . . well; I don't know when it takes place. I didn't really figure out a good time to put it in, so just pick a time and go with it. 2. I actually wrote this because I read something (can't remember what now) at that sparked a thought. Is it really fair for all the main characters of BSSM/SM to have their lives revolve absolutely around Usagi? And you know she wouldn't want it that way. And if you were the main cause of all sorts of pain and suffering, wouldn't you want to end your own life, to make the lives of everyone better? Well, maybe not, but I would. 3. I tried to make this as Japanese as possible, but I may have made some errors. Please don't be too harsh. 4. I can't stress it enough, please give CONSTRUCTIVE criticism. 5. I'd like to thank all the story authors who inspired me to write this. There are too many to name, so if you have any work at , chances are I've read it and I mean you. 6. Read and enjoy, Kiddies. This is probably the only angst fic, cliffhanger fic, or depressing fic you'll see from me in a long time. I like happy, fluffy ones. 


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